I have addressed some very adult content in this post. This information is not for children.
I’ve had many conversations with my girlfriends about sex. Oh, to be a fly on that wall! Did you know that women talk about every single aspect of sex? ‘Cause guess what? We do! We get down to the nitty-gritty in our conversations. Some of which have us all squirming.
Here’s something that I often wonder as my girlfriends are telling all: why is it so easy for us to talk to each other about sex? Why do we have such a hard time talking to our partner about our sexual needs?
During all of these sexual conversations, I’ve learned that I am a very different creature than most of my friends. I’ll just say it, I enjoy sex. Unlike many of my friends, I can just let go during sex. Let me go one step further … here’s a novel concept: I can TELL my partner what I like and dislike! I know that my partner is not a mind reader, and I would never expect him to be.
Hmm … interesting, right?
The secret is: A woman CANNOT be allowed live in their mind during sex, or they will NOT be satisfied. And ultimately, neither will you. The only exception: if that woman is completely focused on her partner and his ministrations at that moment.
Know this: Nine times out of ten a woman’s mind will get in the way of sexual release. She’ll be thinking inane thoughts: Does he like what I’m doing? Is there more to our relationship than just sex? I wonder if the roast is ready? I wonder what the kids are doing?(of course there are a great many things that could be running through a woman’s mind, I just chose a select few).
Yeah boys, many of us women are stuck on the day’s activities. For the most part, we’re consummate worriers. I’ve even fallen victim to that. I will tell you right now that if your woman is thinking about anything else other than you during sex, you are not connecting in that moment. Whatever you’re doing is not stimulating her enough to get her out of her mind. And for her, and you, that’s not good.
In my opinion, it all boils down to communication between partners and emotional connection if you want that TRUE ‘O’ moment with your girl/guy (And yes, guys can fake orgasms too), ENGAGE THEM!! You’re not a mind-reader! Who is? That’s why I said, there needs to be COMMUNICATION!! If you want a nice hard fuck … let them know. If you want to make love … well, do I have to repeat myself?
I am, by no means, an expert. Please remember, that this is a woman’s perspective, and that it is only one woman’s opinion. I have been told many times over that I am NOT like most women.
What is the best way to engage your partner from the beginning of the sexual encounter? How can you pull her out of the incessant ramblings of her mind? Make eye contact. Smile gently. Let her know that you are all about her in that moment. Kiss your partner, passionately. They’ll more than likely reciprocate. For me, if I am instantly engaged, the troubles of the day just seem to melt away … and so do my clothes … just sayin 
Interesting fact for the men out there: three out of four women think kissing is more intimate than having sex. Yes, kissing for many women is not foreplay! It’s the best sexual play! This is accurate, according to an Internet survey of 100,000 kissers. Does this tell you something? Remember that women want to be caressed, hugged and kissed a lot more often than many men believe. Don’t neglect the art of making out! In too many long-term relationships, kissing is totally neglected. Sadly, I can attest to this ;( .
Wanna hear something else interesting? This is for my women readers … Cuddling is very important to many men in long-term relationships. Cuddling with their woman just increases their happiness in the relationship. This just goes to show you that we should not make presumptions about gender.
In my opinion, the information I’ve just presented above, just makes my argument stronger. Communication is key. Not just in the bedroom either.
Yes, most of us have seen Meg Ryan’s ‘performance’ in “When Harry Met Sally”. I can’t think of a better blog post to link this vid into. It is a perfect segue into my next paragraph.
Tell me ladies and gents, how do you know what you’re doing in the sack is truly satisfying your partner? Do you communicate your needs? Does your partner? If so, you are ahead of so many of the people that I’ve talked to. I’ve said this so many times … and to be honest, it frustrates me to have to say it to the same people over and over again …
“Tell him/her what you like! Give him/her feedback (whether that be verbal or nonverbal –moans and groans. Or maybe even the physical- writhing against him or even a passionate kiss. I have to say though- verbal feedback is SO much better! Or else we’re all a bunch of Meg’s and nothing has REALLY changed.)! And please … LET GO OF YOUR INHIBITIONS!”
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a barometer of sorts when it comes to sexual pleasure? I think it would
Here’s the deal: We all have a little freak flag, some of us are just more comfortable waving it. Sexuality has a long standing taboo associated with it that may have caused some of us to fear being open and honest with our desires. I’ve actually gotten a lot of mixed feedback regarding the genre I choose to write about. I see the wary looks, and blushes when I tell people that I write horror and … erotica *gasp*. Many of us have been raised to think that exposing our desires leaves us vulnerable *rolls eyes*. Yeah right! You want to get what you want? What you need? Say something! That one moment of vulnerability can benefit you and your partner for years to come! So allow yourself to be vulnerable!
If you ever hope to have a fulfilling sexual relationship, there can be no secrets! There can be no reservations! You need to have complete trust in your partner! Open up and you may find that your partner has been just as shy and waiting for you to make the first move. Once that door is open, you may be pleasantly surprised
Remember: You will never feel fully satisfied until you find that person that you can completely be your sexual self with and fly those freak flags together!
Let your FREAK flag fly!!
Do you agree or disagree with what I said above? Feel free to comment
And remember …
Don’t be afraid to tell ‘em what you want!!
I’ll leave you with a lyric video that clearly illustrates a woman that is comfortable in her ‘skin’ and KNOWS just what she wants and isn’t afraid to say so … Enjoy!
Until next time …
~J. Marie
There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t wish that more women had your thoughts on this very subject. But the reality is men are also very hard to read. We men think that things are simple, especially if we are taught that we are supposedly in control in the bedroom. Nothing could be further from the truth. Quite frankly, I refuse to take total responsibility for what happens in the bedroom, just like I would for any other aspect of a relationship. It’s simply too much work to BE a mind reader, and it’s just as much of a nuisance to try treat your partner as though he or she should be one. Communication is essential, and men could use just as much of it from their partners as women can. The next woman I am with won’t be able to get me to shut up without some effort.
I agree with your comment 100%, Angel. Men are very hard to read. Truth is, you can’t just assume that what you are doing in the sack is pleasing to your partner. In my humble opinion, assuming just sets you up for failure. There is a saying that I am sure that many have heard, “It takes two to Tango.” This ‘communication’ I speak of should NOT be one sided. It goes both ways. Assuming your partner is a ‘mind reader’ is for the birds! Communication is ‘key’!
Oh yeah! In answer to your question, I must agree. If you’re with someone with whom you cannot be yourself in ALL aspects, including sexually, that relationship is simply doomed to failure no matter how much you both may love one another. Love does not equate to the whitewashing of obviously incompatible natures. A touch of give and take is one thing, but one must never be subsumed by another’s interests and desires. When you lose yourself, you lose life itself. No other person will EVER be worth that.
The people who will remain in love are the ones who remember that true love and happiness takes work, communication, and the acceptance of the fact that you need to be with someone who CAN meet your needs and is willing to do so. Selling yourself short in this regard is always a mistake.
I couldn’t agree with you more, and really don’t think I could have stated it better myself. No one is worth losing yourself … EVER! Been there, done that. Will never go there again. If that certain someone cannot accept ALL of me, Fuck ‘em! It takes a lot of hard work and communication to remain in love and stay happy in a relationship. Whoever said it would be easy was DEAD wrong. As I said above, don’t be afraid to tell ‘em what you want, what you need! Also, I think it needs to be said that you need to allow the other person in the relationship to do the same. Give and take. Keep an open mind. Doing this will help you weed through the detritus. Or … it may just foster a happy, healthy relationship for years to come.
LYF, bestie <3